Friday, September 4, 2009


Its quiz time for an iitian who is sitting in his room on his bed, with 2-3 books spread randomly here and there. He turns on his comp opens a few presentations and pdf files and as he was opening his notes, suddenly he hears a godly voice from heaven speaking to him; he learns it is his inner voice. Inner voice, "Hey macha, what do u think u r doing, I want to watch that Angelina Jolie’s movie which got released this Friday. And that's my order". Now as u all know (those who are iitians) that we never overrule our inner voice's orders (especially when it talks about some hot chick...), he did the same too and opened dc++, downloaded the movie and watched it. And as the movie got over he watched the time and shouted "Fish!!" (Word has been modified to avoid identification), suddenly his internal memory flashed (for those who are not so intelligent, I’m talking about the brain) and he remembered all the stuff that he was supposed to finish off by now.
Now THAT'S a true IITian, a really jobless but virtually very busy MAN (as one can always neglect the other sex in iit). A true iitian has hajaar things to do, ask him anytime whether he is free. What u will hear is a list of N things that he has to do. But when time comes, it's like his brain gets washed, all that he'll do is watching movie, playing games on LAN or sleep... His weekends don’t count unless he spends it doing something completely pointless. If his aim is to search for a journal on internet for his assignment, he'll sooner or later end up doing something pretty much irrelevant to it, something like searching hot pictures of Scarlett Johansson or Pussycat Dolls. The quiz week is the best week to start something new for him, like a new TV series or a new game, and if nothing comes to his mind he'll start writing blog (just like I’m doing rite now). An iitian can even do things like reading all the 2918 Orkut scraps on the night before quiz (just to refresh his memory).
A true IITian is interested in everything except his acads (he feels it to be some sort of compulsion). People say that IITians are despo (desperate for girls), I differ. I'll take an example to prove my point, if a person does not have water to drink for one whole day, he'll feel thirstier than what he normally does when water is there. In simplistic words he'll want more water when water is less and so is the case with all other commodities. And it holds true for girls too.
I always say that to find an iitian in a crowd of 1000 guys is a very easy job. You’ll ask how that is. Let me explain. What all things do you notice in someone when you meet him, if I may help, clothes, shoes, hair, his speech, on a later point of time, his attitude “first comes , then comes marriage, and then comes a baby in a baby carriage” . Almost every iitian differs from a common man on almost all these points (however exceptions do occur, and so we have iitian girls). Take clothes for example, you can easily identify an iitian as he’ll be wearing an iit t-shirt (May it be Shaastra or Saarang or Department or Hostel or something else) anywhere he’ll go (whether class or gathering or party or pub or funeral or even office if it’s allowed). Now let’s take shoes, and by shoes I mean slippers in the case of an iitian as he can go to any place in the world in his pair of bathroom slippers. He can even go to places where there is a dress code including shoes and argue what is wrong with his slippers. Let’s talk about his language or lingo now. Words like psued, pain, peace, fart, macha, mug, etc. are something which an iitian just can’t live without. From your first day in iit, these words become your only way to express feelings to others (whatever they are, as almost any feeling can be expressed with these few words). For example, if someone asks you what are doing, your answer can be “farting with friends da” or “putting peace” or “mugging” (usually less heard). Everyone in iit gets a iit name which becomes his identity for the next 4 or 5 years or even further ahead on the road of life. The use of your original name is limited only to classroom attendance, which eventually leads to happening of events like this,
Some arbit chap (shouts): “Hey Rohit! Wait a second, you forgot your purse.”
Guddu to Bandar: “Why the fish is that guy shouting like a mad. And who is he calling?”
Bandar to Guddu: “I don’t know, he’s shouting for some guy named Rohit. Who in insti will have a name like that?”
Guddu to Bandar: “I don’t know, maybe some maggu chap whom we don’t know.”
Now if you are a bit dumb than usual, Guddu’s original name is Rohit (and I may clarify that he is not dumb, he just happens to be a common iitian).
So if you have made it till this point that means you have completed your course “IItians for Dummies” successfully (but if you are an iitian yourself, I understand that you are just jobless spending time reading about kind).

Thursday, April 16, 2009


Bandar (IIT student) caught hacking a girl’s account. CID investigation on.

Naman Somani
16-04-09, Chennai

In a shocking turn of events, an IIT Madras student, Bandar (20) was found guilty of hacking an innocent girl’s account and misusing it, sending indecent and vulgar messages to people through her account. The incident forced the girl to take her case to the CID. On Sunday afternoon, after few days of investigation done on the part of CID, they finally made the breakthrough and got the email id of the culprit. They made contact with him and I got the chat between the investigation dept. officer and Bandar,

Bandar: hii
renu: hi, may I know your contact no?
Bandar: who r u? r u renu??
renu: guy yr id is under investigation? do u know that
pl reply me who r u
Bandar: I’m Bandar, anything else u want to know and whose under investigation??
renu: sure, whr r u chatting from and how do u know renu?
Bandar: 1st tell me who r u??
renu: i m investigation dept. how do u renu?
Bandar: kk
f@#* off! go n do investigation
renu: bull s!*^. Be ready. CID is behind u
Bandar: yaa sure
renu: saale I will not spare u
Bandar: ha i m waiting for u. when the f@#* r u coming? if u r girl then com alone.
renu: my dear son. wt your father is commig
Bandar: at least improve ur English, otherwise do not talk in English.
{End of Chat}

Finally when Bandar found himself cornered, he started pleading to girl’s brother for whatever he did.
A part of the telephonic conversation between the two is as follows;
Bandar: Hello yaar meri baat sun.
Dabbu: Why did you do this?
Bandar: Arey yaar mene kuch nahin kiya
Dabbu: Dekh CID ne tujhe identify kar liya he as the hacker, ab mein kuch nahin kar sakta.
Bandar: Abey yaar please meri baat maan mene kuch nahi kiya, mein kisi ki bhi kasam khaane ko tayaar hun, apni bhi.
Abey dekh mere career ka sawaal he tu mere saath essa mat kar.
Dabbu: Tune voh vulgar message maarne se pehle socha nahin ki tu kya kar raha he. Ab bhugat tere kiye ki sajaa.

Bandar is missing after this serious chain of events, and the investigation about the motivation for committing this crime is being worked upon.
I will update you with the latest news about this horrendous incident and will uncover the reason behind this act of shame. Till then this is Naman Somani signing off. And ‘Beware! There are many more “Bandar” waiting for their chance in your neighborhood’.

*Names of the people involved have been changed to maintain privacy.
*Name of the department has been changed in order to give resemblance of reputation to the case.